


No Longer Human

by Ailette



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Imported, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-22
Updated: 2010-09-22
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6703549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailette/pseuds/Ailette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's only an act," Toma would say when he eventually noticed Nino's countless worried glances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Longer Human

“I have to get going now. Don’t want to be late for the casting, after all,” Toma said and shot Nino a quick smile as he got up to put his shoes on. Nino only made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, slowly trailing after his boyfriend towards the door.  
  
He knew that if he was going to say it, it had to be now. If he was going to tell Toma not to go to the audition, now was his last chance. Because he’d read the script that was now stashed into Toma’s bag, had read the book many years ago and he could see all too clearly what it would mean if Toma left to do this.  
  
Toma’s and his methods of acting were as different as night and day. Where he gave his all when it was important but easily returned to himself as soon as the camera stopped rolling or the curtain fell, Toma couldn’t. Not really. He would get too invested in his roles, doing hours and hours of research, still never feeling like he knew everything he should. He would subconsciously try to become the person he was only supposed to _act_ as and small parts of that person would cling to him even when he should have long since shaken everything off to only be himself again.  
  
This was the role of a man who nearly starved to death, so lonely he could only find relief in drugs and women; a man who was glad when he finally realized that his life was going to end soon. And Nino didn’t want someone like that to weigh down on Toma’s spirit, didn’t want to be the one condemned to silently watch when Toma would inevitably isolate himself and grow thinner and thinner until there was almost nothing left of him. ‘It’s only an act.’ Toma would say when he eventually noticed Nino’s countless worried glances.  
  
He’d seen it before, had been afraid for Toma every time he left the house to fully transform into someone else and return as a slightly different person. But it had never been a role like this. And Nino didn’t want to lose _this_ Toma – the one he loved more than anyone else.  
  
But he didn’t have the right to say anything. This was Toma’s choice and Nino didn’t have any say in it. The younger would listen if he offered any word of advice; he was certain of that, but in the end it came down to the fact that he shouldn’t - _couldn’t_ \- ask Toma to let a chance like this pass. He had come a long way and this might finally turn out to be the _big chance_ everyone kept talking about.  
  
Nino knew better and felt jaded with the realization that had come years ago. After the ‘big chance’ there would be a ‘big challenge’ and after that a ‘big break’ - it would continue endlessly. There was no goal Toma could reach that would make him feel like he’d done enough. Or ever entertain thoughts of stopping acting, but Nino would never even consider asking it of him. It was only this one role.  
  
He pressed his eyes shut and forcefully breathed out, allowing himself the briefest of moments to gather himself before he opened them again to offer Toma a small smile.  
  
“Good luck,” he said softly and Toma turned around with a grin on his face, pressing a quick kiss to Nino’s lips and then hurrying out the door. Nino could only hope that when Toma returned, not only today, but every day after he got the role (because he would, there was no doubt about it), there would still be enough left of the person that wanted to have Nino close.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: eufry ♥  
> A/N: Some short and angsty Nino/Toma Ikumiya I felt like writing after watching Jounetsu. That was... ages ago. Yeah. Whatever.   
> (Originally posted at http://ailette.livejournal.com/59869.html)


End file.
